We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
