Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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