Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
