I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
