I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
