We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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