It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
