Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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