just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
