she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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