I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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