scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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