he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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