Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
