my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
