Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
