He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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