paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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