Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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