i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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