Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
