3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
