Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
