I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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