i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
