Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
