So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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