It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize