you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
