bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
