we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
