i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
