If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Randomize
