So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
