bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my poor anus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
