Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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