Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
