Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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