help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
