I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
