i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
