Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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