We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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