I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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