guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
