my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't deserve a penis
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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