What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
