I heard we made out
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
