Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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