We won't sleep together?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
