i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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