it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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