Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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