what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
