We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
