Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
