he puts the penis in happiness.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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