My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
