You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
