This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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