i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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