Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize