I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
NoShamevember. You game?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
