it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
